Don’t mention the M word (not marriage)

Its been a long road to get to where I’m at today.
Happily married in a nice house in a lovely neighbourhood with a beautiful son.

Anybody who knows me will know that it’s been a struggle and that we’ve sacrificed a lot to be where we are now. If I could go back I wouldn’t change a single thing. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I watch my son sleeping and I cant believe how blessed I am, there was a time when I never thought that I would have a child. All I could see around me was women getting pregnant and having babies with seemingly no effort at all. I would see pregnancy everywhere and my biggest pet hate was those  baby on board badges. Each time I saw one of those badges was like a fresh slap in the face the reminder that I was a failure that I couldn’t do what I was born to do, be a mother.

It was 2013 and my husband’s sister had just announced to the family that she was pregnant, me and my hubby thought it was a good time to share our joyful news that we were also expecting. We never dreamed in a million years that things might not go to plan. I was only 6 weeks and it was a lovely experience to see everyone so happy over our news.

We were referred to PRUE for another scan a week later. The whole week I clung to every little piece of hope I could. I scoured the internet for stories like mine that had a happy ending. The day finally came and sadly nothing had changed the baby had not grown and there was still no heartbeat present.

It was devastating there are no words to describe the feeling that my baby had died. The hospital were great and I was scheduled in for a ERPC a few days later. Then we had to tell everyone which was an absolute nightmare, the word had spread and it seemed the world and his wife knew we were expecting.

After a couple of months I fell again, this time we spared ourselves any additional heartache we didn’t tell a soul. I did everything I was meant to do I took good care of myself ate healthily and drank plenty of water to keep hydrated. The time finally came for my 12 weeks scan (I was 13 weeks by this time) and once again we were told the pregnancy wasn’t viable (laymans terms means no heartbeat). I just couldn’t believe this was happening again. I felt like my world was crumbling. I found myself becoming very bitter toward pregnant women I’d go so far as to say I was jealous. I couldn’t understand why this wasn’t working out for us. I found myself back at PRUE having the same conversation with the Dr that I had just a few months previous. A week later I was booked in for another ERPC.

Losing 2 babies in one year crippled me and my husband. We decided to take a break from trying and from testing for ovulation etc. We booked a week away to Morroco, I couldn’t wait for a bit of sunshine and to get away from everything in real life. We had a great time, to my surprise that month I was late on my period so I decided to do a test. I wasn’t really expecting much but to my utter surprise it came back positive.

My little boy was born at 37 weeks and 5 days. Everyday I think how lucky I am to have him in my life (even when he’s whining).

Miscarriages are so common yet it’s not a subject people are comfortable talking about, they just don’t know what to say. I think the more we talk about this subject the more educated people will be on the matter. I also believe the NHS should invest more time and money into finding causes for miscarriages.

In fact the NHS currently wont do any investigations until you have had 3 miscarriages which I find disgusting.

 

I wanted to share my story to show there is light at the end of the tunnel and to always have hope because you never know what’s round the corner.

 

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