The fear

From the moment you see that positive pregnancy to the moment you give birth to your child you will always feel the fear- or at least I did.

When I found out I was pregnant with Max I was the normal happy excited and mind numbingly afraid.

I was so sure something  would go wrong. The pregnancys hadn’t worked out the previous 2 times so what would make this one any different. I remember plenty of trips to the epu at St Thomas’s in the early weeks and we spent a small
Fortune on private scans.

Having the doppler helped a bit but I was basicly worried thru my whole pregnancy. This is a feeling that doesn’t go away – EVER!!!

Let me break it down.In the first 12 weeks it was the fear of misscarriage or in my case a missed misscarriage. After that it was feeling baby move, was I too small (as everyone kept telling me) was I leaking amniotic fluid, was there enough fluid etc. Google was not my friend. In the later stages I did calm down a bit.

Then came labour!!!!!

I was in so much pain there was no time  to worry. Once max was born there was the scary few minutes till he cried  (the longest minutes of my life).

Once your home with your bundle of joy it’s the worry of are they too hot or cold. Are they still breathing. Are they drinking enough, are they bringing up to much milk. Anyway you get the gist.

Then they hit 1 and there not walking, are they behind are they developing and hitting milestones.

Add weaning and teething to the mix along with the first time they get properly sick and it’s enough to give you grey hair 🙂

I don’t think the fear ever goes away.

Even when my babies having his own babies I will always worry about him.

He’s my son. The apple of my eye and I will always love and protect him.

After all that’s what being a parent is all about.


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